My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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