how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
