there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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