I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
