It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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