Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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