Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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