My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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