I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
