i just sent this text using only my big toe
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
