Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
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