Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
