I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
