My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?