Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS