in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
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And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
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I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.