i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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