his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
