Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
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i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk