i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
