STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
