How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
