Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
