What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
