I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
