And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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