thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
