Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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