she woke up with a sticky ear
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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