I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
