You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
