i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
