I think I am morally bankrupt
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
