Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
