i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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