I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I want to fling myself into the sun
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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