Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize