my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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