I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
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I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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