Please, let me fuck your mom
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
