Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
