P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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