what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
