I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
