I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
