I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i barfeds in our rink
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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