If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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