shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Randomize
