I think my fart just growled at me.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
