then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize