i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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