dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
