And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
