It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
