Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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