Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
worst night to have a conscience
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
