So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
