She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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