My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
