He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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