her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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