i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
my shit smells like andre
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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