What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
