Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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