I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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