It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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