Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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