Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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