I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
