are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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