I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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