a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
