Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
