Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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