i wish there were pregnant emoticons
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
