new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
