if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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